my own rules

my own rules | Journey for Jessi

I make my own rules and my own plans.  When I really think about it all, it’s truly empowering.  I used to be terrified to be in charge of my own life.  What if I messed up?  I’d have no one to blame but myself.  Then, I stopped fearing failure, and I took control of my actions.  Every decision this past year, I can 100% say it’s been my own.  I’ve failed.  I’ve succeeded.  More importantly, I’ve had the most freedom and happiness in my whole life.

Every year, I feel challenged like I have never been before.  Every year it is unexpected as I expect that my “big breakthrough” was the following year.  Oh naïve me.  Life is a freaking journey.  A journey of constant challenges and hardships that present opportunities to learn and grow.

When I was living my life in terms of someone else’s planned path, I was stuck.  Stuck because I didn’t learn to rise and grow from the experience of failing, of living.

Wow.

What a concept.

Let me try to explain.

Imagine just being told what to do your whole life.  It may be super obvious.  “Do x, y, and z.”  It may be passive.  You may even it out under the guise of “advice.”  “Should I apply for that job?”  “Do you think I will have too much on my plate if _____?”

Sure, advice can be a good thing.  It’s a great way to obtain different perspectives and slip into someone else’s shoes for a hot second, but only for a second.  You aren’t stealing their shoes.  They aren’t your style.  You didn’t pick them out in the store.  They didn’t catch your eye in the widow as you passed by.

Are you catching my drift?

When I followed others’ advice to a tee, I was unhappy.  Unhappy because I made decisions and choices that didn’t align with my values.  The second I began to make decisions, no matter how difficult, based on my own values, was the second I began to finally see my future and how possible is it to create it.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am no master by any means.

I am challenged every day by this.  Some days I realize that I did just follow along and not take charge of my choices.  Other days I feel like I have all of my sh*t together and alphabetized into color coordinated compartments.  Both scenarios are successes though.

The latter for obvious reasons.  The former, because I am aware.  If I can pause and realize that I chose to follow another’s suggestion based on his/her value set, then I can either go back and re-evaluate that decision or choice, make a more aware decision the next time, or just go ahead and stick with their choice because if I am now aware, then aren’t I still in control of that decision?  Yes, because I actively chose to follow.

So here is my challenge to you my dear souls…

  1. Dig deep and nail down one or two of your values for starters.
  2. Practice asking yourself if your choices align with these values.
  3. Go ahead and ask for others’ opinions/advice.
  4. Evaluate their values to see if they align with your own and how/why they differ.
  5. Then proceed to make your decision.

Yay!  Feel that empowerment and confidence in yourself!  You amazing human you!

Let me know how this practice goes for you, and if you have any questions or concerns.  Let’s have an awesome conversation about taking charge of your own journey!

 

2 thoughts on “my own rules

  1. Most people follow others and do what others do and are influenced heavily by friends, media, society, etc. Whether that is right or wrong is entirely their prerogative.

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